How to get more sex drive?
Often we learn tips and tricks for more sex drive within the four walls of the relationship, in the bedroom with our beloved. But an overlooked aspect of sex drive is the importance of sisterhood.
However, sexual desire is not just reserved for sex, but as I see it, it is our life energy. This is what we can create a child with. It is our zest for life and joy in life. It is what makes us human and where we feel we are alive.
And what gives joy in life is at least being in a positive sisterhood of good friends.
The importance of sisterhood and sex drive
Don’t you also know how liberating it is to be in a community of girls where you can laugh and cry and talk about sex and pleasure without shame and celebrate each other and give each other full permission to be in our unique pleasure. All this allows us to let go of the facade and all the filters we have put up around ourselves.
A deep conversation with an old friend about sex and love felt like a stone dropped from my heart and opened up to access my womb even more. Which makes sense, because we know by now that women’s orgasms go through the heart.
A stone fell from my heart, yes, but one stone might not be enough, because a stone can come from an entire wall if you, like me, have experienced deeper sisterly wounds and have had trust broken. Have you also tried to argument with your best friend, break with important friendships, experience misunderstandings and cat fights?
Cultural endoctrination for sister wounds
We were brought up in a culture where girls compare themselves a lot to each other, and where we compete against each other’s beauty and success. I can clearly remember from school that the girls who were prettier and more pop than me were my competition. So I tried to be different and pretend it didn’t matter to me when it really did. I would probably rather be friends with them.
So our culture is already helping to program us to create deep sisterly wounds, instead of sweeping the gaps and lifting each other up.
Understanding of the menstrual cycle
And on top of that, we also have to deal with hormones, imbalances, menstrual pain and PMS symptoms – and when we get older maybe childbirth, postpartum depression, menopause, etc.
I believe that a lot of unfriendliness among girls happens during the premenstrual period, when it doesn’t take much to piss one off. A great many damaged friendships could therefore be prevented if we knew more about the menstrual cycle and when we need to relax more (up to and during menstruation) and when we have more energy (up to and during ovulation).
With a clearer understanding of the menstrual cycle, we can support our friends more through the different phases.
Most importantly, it is especially up to and during menstruation, when we can give her care by cooking good food, cleaning for her, braiding her hair, giving a massage – and ultimate love. All of this increases oxytocin, the love hormone that bonds people and creates more zest for life (= sex drive).
When we as women are in a community, our menstrual cycle will also be harmonized, which in itself shows how connected we are through our womb. You may have experienced yourself that when you have lived closely with other girls, you have started to menstruate at the same time. D was usually once because we lived much closer together in small communities. But in our modern world we are much more alone and that in itself is unnatural for our feminine body.
Sisterhood and the womb
We need other women in our lives and we need to celebrate each other much more for optimal joy in life.
Sisterhood resides in the feminine crown, in the womb. Imagine your inner fire, your sex drive, as a bonfire inside your womb. This fire must be cultivated and nurtured. And what better way than by having a few ladies dance around the fire.
What I have observed in my own body therapy and work with clients is that within the womb we hold all of our female archetypes: yourself as a child, young girl, mother and older wise wife. And my own thesis is that we also hold every significant woman we have met in our lives. In terms of energy, of course.
If we can hold on to trauma, romantic relationships and sexual experiences in our womb, then of course we also hold on to our girlfriends.
Therefore, it makes sense that we can put out the inner fire if we suddenly don’t have any girls and women in our lives to dance around it with.
Because the sister wounds are also kept in the womb. And if we have a lot of them, we can create a stone wall of mistrust. A wall from the heart to the womb that eventually blocks you from being connected to your sexuality and joy and also blocks you from inviting new friendships into your life.
The wall around the womb can come from sexual and gynecological trauma, and many women hold on to these. And when they are unspoken about within sisterhood, it can lead to distancing and conflicts between friends. That is why it is so important that in a sisterhood you can also talk about the difficult topics and give space to talk when sex hurts.
Wombs connected
If we think about the fact that we influence each other through our womb, then there is a great potential for healing in a community of other women. Imagine a woman who has worked with her sexuality, womb healing, the yoni egg and experience sexual healing and vitality. Her renewed experience with her womb not only affects herself, but will create ripple effect energetically to the women around her who also begin to connect more positively to their womb magic. So we are not separated from each other, but oh so connected. We are all created in a womb and we all hold the cosmic mother within our womb.
So imagine a woman who has a weak connection to her sexual center and holds on to a great deal of shame. In a community with her, she will send out a lot of shame and guilt and if you just mention the word s** or your sexual traumas, you will be looked down upon. It’s not exactly the kind of sisterhood we want to have.
So my call to other girls and women is let’s recognize the importance of sisterhood to our shared sexual health and happiness, and let’s start talking about it and cultivating it.
Here are some things you can do to increase the sisterhood and create more sex drive for everyone!
– Don’t judge, but celebrate each other women’s desires, pleasure and experiences with sex and love
– Create a safe space to be able to share about fears, dreams and celebrations
– De-taboo sex and sexual problems and talk about them!
– Be open about talking about sexual experiences and gynecological experiences, good and bad, because that way trauma can be healed and our wombs can be awakened and opened.
– Support your friend through the female phases, e.g. during menstruation by performing just one good deed for her and also at the postpartum time if she has given birth to a child.
– Decorate each other by doing something so beautiful and caring, namely braiding each other’s hair and braiding a flower into the hair.
– Create women’s circles with ceremonial cocoa and dance.
– Make a ritual for women in your life in times of change or when healing is called for. Something very beautiful is to ritually wash her with a wash cloth and sacred water over her womb and heart and sprinkle rose petals over her body. Just making more rituals for women in your life, will make an impact for the womb to keep on dancing around the inner fire of sexuality.
I am sending you so much erotic love!
<3
Helle L.
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